Walk to Remember 2009

The 3rd Annual Walk to Remember was on September 26, 2009. This event means so much to me and I think it's so important to do, but at times I feel so overwhelmed and under qualified to put together such an event. The walk that we went to in Arizona meant so much to me and I really felt like it was important to start one here. I may have started it for my own selfish reasons because I wanted to be able to do something for JD, but I want the walk here to be that for all the families that I meet here. I want them to feel close to their precious babies and I want to help in their grieving process. And I feel so inadequate most of the time because my grief for JD still overwhelms me so much and sometimes I just want to hide in a closet and cry. I just hope that this walk touches the hearts of those that attend and I hope they can find peace and joy in remembering their special baby.

I want so much for the walk to be perfect and I know I'm not able to do that, so I procrastinate putting it together, hoping that a miracle will happen and it will turn out perfect - like it is in my heart. As I was stressing over it a few weeks before it happened, Tammy Welker Handly, did the most heartfelt gesture for me. She told me she wanted to make the gifts that we hand out to the families. She made beautiful keychains out of beads that had little baby feet charms. She lovingly made them personal and made them for boys and girls and made one special for me and one special for my friend Suzette who lost twin girls and one for my friend Darcie who has had 3 stillborns and 2 miscarriages. Thank you Tammy for making the special gift even more special and meaningful!

This is the 3rd walk that I have done and I have met several families at the walks and at the support groups who have had losses and my heart is still broken every time I hear a new story. Although I have gone through JD's loss, I still don't know what to say to them. The hardest part is knowing that there really isn't anything I can say. I know there are no words that will take away their pain. I guess that's why I feel the walk is so important. It's my way to show these families that they can still remember their babies and have them be a part of their lives. The support group and the walk are the only ways I know to show others that they can survive the greatest heartache of their lives.

I'm so grateful for Christina and Suzette who have been with me since the first walk and first Idaho support group. They have been an important part of my grieving process and I can't wait to meet their babies Olivia, Charlie and Chelsie and someday!

There is also a huge place in my heart for the friends I made at the support group in Arizona. They will never know how much they taught me. If I had never gone to that support group, I would never know it's OK to talk about JD and it's OK to have his pictures and it's OK if the rest of the world thinks I'm crazy for doing that.

I'm so grateful for Josh and my family and friends who come to the walk to support me. Sometimes I feel like they think I'm crazy for wanting to do the walk or the support group. But, they don't question my obsessive desire to keep them going.

There are more pictures of the walk at http://walktoremember2009.blogspot.com/. The video that Jeni and Nolan made, that I love, is also there.

The handsome and proud little brothers! My hope for them is that they will someday soon understand where JD is and know that he is still their older brother.

We could not get a picture of them both looking at the camera. The balloons and grass were way more interesting! But, they look so handsome in their JD shirts!