Happy 4th Birthday!

Wow! 4 years! Happy Birthday sweet JD!

We were so lucky this year to be at JD's grave on his birthday. We haven't been there in over a year, so it was really special to be there on his birthday.

We were on our way down to AZ and I really wasn't that excited for the trip, until I realized that we would be at JD's grave on his birthday.

We each got a balloon, but left 2 in the car for Triston and Connor to play with in the car. We were sure JD wouldn't mind when he knew that it would help entertain his brothers on the long car ride. We also got cupcakes and sang happy birthday to him. It was a cold day and the wind was blowing, so we didn't get to spend as much time there as I wanted to. But, Triston and Connor didn't seem to mind the cold and enjoyed being there.

I realized that going to JD's grave might have been a little confusing for Triston. We pray for JD every night and talk about him, and when we told him we were going to visit JD, he got so excited! He kept saying "JD, JD". I was scared he might be really disappointed when he realized there wouldn't be anyone for him to play with. So, we just tried to explain to him that JD is his brother, but we can't see him and he lives with Heavenly Father. When we ask Triston where JD and Heavenly Father live, he says the sky.

My life has completely changed over the last 4 years. I have changed who I am and who I want to be. I know I am a more patient mother and I know I don't take anything with Triston and Connor for granted. I know life is precious and I have known a pain so deep that my heart will never fully recover from it. I have a heavenly joy knowing that Triston and Connor have a special guardian angel. I have met amazing, wonderful women who have the same pain that I do and I'm so grateful for what they teach me. I miss JD every day. I long to know what he would look like and I ache to hold him and tell him I love him.

Thank you, JD for being my special angel! Happy Birthday!